Confession: I am not happy.
Maybe its because I've feeling incredibly overwhelmed this time of year. Maybe its because I'm PMSing like a crazy woman. Maybe its because its Tuesday, but the fact remains--I'm not a happy person today.
And you know what what? It's ok; its going to be okay. Not every day has to be glitter & rainbows because in real actual life shit happens. The key is to accept it & most importantly learn from these types of experience in order to little by little improve the quality of your own life.
And so after thinking about this all afternoon I've come up with a few ways I can be more proactive in my personal happiness:
>> Embrace change. I am admittedly such a bossypantscontrol-freak that if something doesn't reach my expectations I can't handle it. But on the other hand I hate the boring & mundane so I need to somehow strike a balance between these two personality traits constantly at war with one another. Every day I want to try and make a small change to my daily routine. It could be as simple as riding my bike to work {which truthfully I should be doing anyway} or getting up an hour early to make breakfast. The point is to keep these little changes manageable so that they're actually accomplished.
>> Kiss procrastination & excuses goodbye. Okay, this is a big one. I am the world's biggest procrastinator and excuse-maker. No, srsly. If those were a category in the Olympics I'd have dozens of gold medals. I'm even good at combining the two--for example in high school I used to wait until the night before my paper was due to begin. I'd stay up all night stressing out but then when my grade came back and it was an 'A' I'd tell myself its okay I waited so long because clearly I work better under pressure. See what I did there? My habits haven't changed much since high school only now there is more at stake than my English grade. Right now my home office/guest room is a complete disaster and it has been that way probably close to three weeks now. There are piles of clean, unfolded laundry everywhere; you can't even see my futon anymore. Oh, you want to sleep over? Here, rest your head on this super-soft cardi from H&M. THIS IS NOT OKAY. I am determined to tackle Hurricane Liz after work today no matter how tired I am.
>> Body & mind in harmony. Remember this post? Yeah well I can count on one hand how many times I've been to the gym since writing that. Instead of feeling sorry for myself and procrastinating/making excuses I need to make exercise a priority. These feelings of self-loathing aren't doing my my mind or body any good & I know its up to me to do whatever it takes to be okay with how I look/feel. I'm sick of fighting with my closet every morning because I hate how everything fits me. Time to channel that hate into a positive by taking it out on the treadmill.
>> Love the one I'm with. I'm not going to sit here & pretend my relationship is perfect. Anyone who claims that isn't telling the full story. If there's anything I've learned the past three years its that love is hard. It's easy in some ways too, but relationships need to be worked on and cultivated daily in order to succeed and grow. Lately I've felt like Glenn & I haven't had a lot of "us" time and I really miss him. I know what you're thinking, "You guys live together! How can you miss someone you see all the time?" Well the truth is sometimes living together can be tricky in terms of designating special time and distinguishing that from waking up next to them like, oh hey its you again. More date nights, weekend getaways, evening walks, physical activities, etc. are in our future. We need that kind of stuff.
>> "Me" time. I realize I've been spending a lot of time in front of screens and not enough time with my nose in a book or outside letting the wind comb my hair. I place just as much value on being independent as I do on having the support of family + girl friends. Whether it be pampering myself with spa massage/pedicure or riding my bike to the park to read under a tree, I need more alone time to clear my head and recharge.
To be honest, just writing this all out makes me feel a little better already. I'm excited to embark on Operation Happy. Maybe by sharing it here y'all can hold me accountable if you see me start to slip. Just be nice otherwise you'll reduce me to a blithering puddle of tears--but that may just be the PMS talking.
How do you deal when you're unhappy? Any positive tips/strategies you want to share are welcome!
By Lexy December 6, 2011
Aww, I wish I could fly across the country to give you a big hug! I just found out I have to have a second spinal surgery, so I’m feeling a little down too. I find anything creative helps. I like to paint or doodle. It seems to take my mind off things if only for a little while!
Lots of love <3
By Amy December 6, 2011
I’m with you. I’m going through a lot of crazy shit right now that isn’t exactly easy but isn’t exactly impossible to cope with. It’s so hard to deal with because I always think you know–I’m a white, middle-class female living in America. Life is NOT hard. But I think we just all overstretch ourselves so much and commit–that’s what America has taught us to do. Success here means being busy and frenzied all the time, and it’s so backwards. I’m trying to learn to say no to things and ease up on myself, so I’m right there with you, Liz! It’s hard to do. Good luck in finding that balance! When you figure it out, let me know–I’m drowning myself!
By amy December 6, 2011
Oh, Liz…I can totally sympathize with you on absolutely all of these points. I’ve felt beyond run-down lately; not taking care of myself, not enough quality time with my man (and we live together too, so I can relate to just going through the motions…even though our work schedules have been so vastly different lately, that we actually don’t even see each other some days – big time sad face) and not having enough me time. And instead of actually doing something to fix all these things, I just complain about them usually. Really proactive there. I don’t even know what to do to fix the problem though! Time is the biggest issue I suppose…hmm. Well, this wasn’t very helpful. Just me commiserating and dumping on you..sorry! But I hope things get better for us both. If you have some kind of breakthrough on this, let me know! (I’ll do the same). And hang in there girl…your design work is looking outstanding lately if that’s any consolation. Okay, my novel is done now. :)
By lizzie December 6, 2011
i’m the exact same way. procrastination never stops at our house…it’s the one thing we don’t put off….putting things off.
we’re also real-life people who also blog and i don’t think our lives will ever be as blog-worthy as our minds.
By Heather Marie December 6, 2011
When I’m unhappy I usually find myself hiding out in my apartment. I know that doesn’t differ much from my daily life, but I ignore my phone and all the social networks, and actually focus on what it is that is making me unhappy. Sometimes I jot them down and consider ways to change them. Other times, I just think to myself that a certain person or thing doesn’t deserve a bit of my energy.
Usually taking the time to contemplate everything and telling myself it’s not the end of the world helps me recover from being so miserable.
I hope you feel better, Liz. Call or text if ya need anything. <3
By Tatiana December 6, 2011
I hear ya. It can be incredibly difficult having a full time day job, doing freelance after work, being in a relationship AND maintaining a blog (I eventually decided to stop blogging as regularly, unfortunately, because of this). But I wish you the best. I think you’re a talented gal, and I hope you can find the time to do what’s best for you. Treat yo’self! Sometimes that means letting yourself sleep in, or not setting your expectations so so high for what you need to get done. Try to schedule a day off every now and then. It really helps! But, keep on keepin’ on, sista.
By Mia December 6, 2011
Sometimes depending on the type of “Unhappy” I am in Music, Writing (actual writing), venting or helping someone else that is less fortunate helps me to center myself. It’s really a matter of stopping and realeasing those feelings or simply taking the focus off yourself and putting things in prospective. Dealing with unhappiness is one of those challanges that is unevitable..but it IS possible to deal with. I’m right there with ya Liz!
Keep calm and carry on <3
By Larissa December 6, 2011
so. true. i have these days 6 out of 7 and this post spoke right to my heart. i think “me” time is my biggest thing. if i’m getting grouchy and irritable and every. little. thing. is setting me off, i know it’s time to get away and focus on myself. everyone has days like this, so thanks for sharing and being honest =] i hope tomorrow is a better day <3
By Daniela December 6, 2011
Aw, I am right there with you! I feel like I’ve been in a funk since I got up on Monday morning. But everything you just wrote is really inspiring. I think doing something as small as getting organized or unplugging for a little while and reading will do wonders; I intend on doing both tonight myself. Hope you feel better soon!
By elizabeth December 6, 2011
Wow. As I read this, I just kept nodding. This is exactly how I feel about my life right now. Thank you for being honest about how you’re feeling. I read so many blogs that are so happy all the time (not that happy is a bad thing!), but I just know that no one is perfect. You’re one of the few bloggers that actually admits to not being superwoman every once in a while, and it makes me like you even more.
By Moorea Seal December 6, 2011
Liz, I am in the saaaaame place in every way right now. So busy, not enough time with my boyfriend, not enough time doing something other than work, battling getting up in the morning, pms-ing, the whole she-bang. UGH!
BUT tides have gotta change right? I just signed up for a gym membership and I’ve been going almost everyday. I’m starting to feel and see a little improvement! I was getting really down on myself lately, not feeling pretty, feeling lonely, sad, all that crap. But lets get our booties kicked by ourselves and do something about it!!! My goal is to boost my confidence, feelings towards myself and my surroundings, boost my business, basically do everything well while also trying to go a little easier on myself by New Years.
xo Moorea
By Caitlin December 6, 2011
Isn’t this an awful time of year? I’ve been feeling exactly like this lately. At the end of the day I stop and realize that I’ve spent the entire day staring at a screen…and amazingly I don’t feel any better (haha). So this list was great, because I really needed the reminder. Good luck to you, pretty lady…I wish you all the best. And if you ever need to talk I’m here! <3
By Noelle December 6, 2011
This quote allllllways gives me a better perspective on most situations (and, um, one or two glasses of wine doesn’t hurt?). I hope you feel better :)
“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or dehumanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
By Suburban Sweetheart December 6, 2011
I can relate to so much of this, Liz. These are the ways I deal, too – I definitely think you’re on the right track. And sometimes it’s important to just embrace the bad moods, to let yourself feel the way you feel for a day or two, & then commit to better days ahead. <3
By Miki December 6, 2011
I hear ya! I’m totally in the same spot except for one. I so hate being me sometimes. Well, that’s actually not true, I consider myself to be very lucky, but I hate myself when I know I’m not making the most of my time or taking care of my body.
All the best vibes your way! ;D
Miki.
By Katie December 6, 2011
I love this so much. I’ve been feeling the same way lately and I really needed to read this so thank you for posting! Operation Happy sounds like such a good plan. Sending lots of positive thoughts & good vibes your way, Liz!
By chalsie December 6, 2011
This was a ridiculous great post.
the collective edit x
By diana December 6, 2011
If I don’t use a combo of all these and more, I’m a sad panda, not so much bitchy. It also helps to know when I get stressed, my IBD acts up (tmi) and it’s one of the most painful things my body goes through. (If I were using emoji, I’d use the happy poop emoticon, hahha)
By elledoubleyouu December 6, 2011
As someone who has also been feeling like a not-so-happy real life human being lately, I appreciate that you wrote this post! I definitely should join you in quite a few of those goals.
♥ LW
By Krysten December 6, 2011
Liz… it happens. You’re right, life isn’t always happy. And I always appreciate the bloggers that show their true selves.
It sounds like you’ve found some really great ways to help you get back to happy. I think I need to take a hint from a few of them myself.
By Melisande December 6, 2011
i know how you feel all too well! i’ve been so stressed out lately, and being really hard on myself. and my boyfriend and i live together too, we even work together, yet we haven’t had us-time in weeks! i hate it.
i especially loved everything you said about relationships. they are SO hard, so much time and energy.
i hope you feel better soon. i’ve been going to the gym religiously and it’s been helping so much.
By kristen December 7, 2011
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS.
i’ve got a hand in every cookie jar on this one. my work situation is horrendous and beginning to affect me outside of work too. interviewed for a new one today, one with a totally different environment, same business. i think i got it, and as happy as that makes me, new jobs are equally scary and uncertain.
it’s always something..
again, thaaaaaaaaaank yoooooooooooooou! :)
By marfaamayyyyyay December 7, 2011
Hello Liz!
Sorry that you are feeling down, but glad you have a get up and go again plan.
I’ve been ignoring blogs a little bit recently, and clicking back on yours after a while is an Oh my goodness click. Niiice blog layout. Keep on html-ing!
By Rita Fontes December 7, 2011
Oh Liz, I feel ya. This was quite a stressful year to me as well, and I’m still trying to cope with it. Life will hit you in the face sometimes, that’s when you have to step up our game!
Actually I made a blog post a couple of days ago about BEING POSITIVE, which I think everyone should read, it got featured as top story at paper.ly.
http://ritafontes.com/2011/12/the-ultimate-circle-of-goodness-or-how-to-be-positive-and-conquer-the-world/
Scope it out! We all should start thinking positively about our lives as ourselves… why not start today?!
XO,
Rita Fontes
By Jess Lonett December 7, 2011
i am definitely trying to tackle a lot of those similar issues too. about a year ago i joined a roller derby league and that has helped with the rest of my life greatly! i go to practice 3x a week and get a really great work out and have met some really rad people. it has given me more energy & also has built in accountability for working out. finding a way to work out with others i have found is a definite plus. getting that schedule regimented has forced me to prioritize other areas of my life preventing the procrastination as much. :)
By Kinsey French December 7, 2011
I’m sorry that you’re feeling down! :c It’s definitely understandable and I can relate to some of these so reading this helped me a lot. I’ve said before that people these days seem to almost pride themselves on being with the fad of procrastinating and being lazy, it’s sad really. So yes I am totally with you on kissing procrastination and excuses goodbye, in the end we only regret not doing what needs to be done and I’d like to avoid that feeling! c: I know you’ll greatly succeed in operation happy. <33
By Julia December 7, 2011
Very much agree with much of your thoughts and feel ya honey! When I’m unhappy I hit the beach….or anything secluded in nature for that matter like hiking! A sense of calmness and clarity that “ok things suck right now but i’ll be ok eventually” always comes from being in fresh air.
By Elisha December 7, 2011
I just got out of a similar funk. It’s not even like anything terrible was happening to me! I was having issues being happy with myself. Just try and focus on the good in your life. Focus on the people who make you happy, the things you love to do and the personality traits you have that you like. It’s really easy to forget how awesome our lives really are… even if they aren’t “glitter & rainbows”. I hope things get better for you!
By aline December 7, 2011
i’ve been in a one year funk i blame on where i live and being too idle. i’ve been so busy lately, i feel a million times better. mark and i live far apart so all of our time spent together is rare and special. i hear ya on trying to keep it fresh when it’s part of the “routine.”
By aline December 7, 2011
oh and i am the queen procrastinator haha
By Purple Deer December 7, 2011
What are the highs with out the downs? That’s often the friendly reminder I give myself when low. If everything was perfect, life would be boring.
Not that I know that much more about men then you, but I will say this. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Mario and I loved together for a few years before marriage and key was our independence. He had his thing, friends, projects, work, as I had mine. We were very involved in each others life, but getting out space was massive.The space allowed us to appreciate each other more.
By Clare - Never Niche December 8, 2011
It’s okay not to be okay!
This article helped me/struck home recently:
http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/08/30/12-things-happy-people-do-differently/
By doniree December 8, 2011
I’m sooooo where you are, and I completely understand the “love the one you’re with” point, because I’m the same way. We live together and we both work from home, so we’re together ALL THE TIME. Yet, it takes effort to designate specific no-work/no-laptop/get-out-of-the-house and TALK time. Hope you’re feeling better — this time of year seems to be tough for a lot of people, myself included.
Also, it’s been awhile since I clicked over here out of reader and your new design looks so pretty!
By Friday Best… « Just a Titch December 9, 2011
[...] Confessions Of A Human Being Who Also Blogs. I think that when we live a life online, it’s really easy to only share the happy. I love it when people keep it real. [...]
By Lindsey December 9, 2011
I know exactly what you mean when you talk about living together vs. spending time with your significant other! Sitting on the same couch while he plays video games and I blog, does NOT constitute real time together! Date nights and nightly strolls where we actually talk about real things are definitely necessary :)
By Kate December 10, 2011
Oh my gosh. This post is almost exactly how I feel right now. I’ve been neglecting myself, stressing about work and the wrong things and just generally been in a funk. It made me feel so much better reading this, knowing someone else felt the same way. Thank you for bravely putting this out there. Hope you feel better soon. I’ll work on it if you will! Hehe.
By Katherine January 6, 2012
A few bites of anything chocolate from Trader Joes, and loud music. James Morrison, India Arie and anything that used to pull at your heart strings back in high school. Promise it’ll help.
Also, remember that everyone has those days! You’re not alone.